I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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