I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
