so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
