I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
