Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
