My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
