Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
