Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
