I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
