pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
