I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
