the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
