Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize