just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
