Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
