You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
