I don't usually arrange sex via text message
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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