"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
