Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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