whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
PANTIES FOUND
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