I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
