um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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