Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize