I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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