If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
