I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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