I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
