i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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