hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
