dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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