i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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