i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
