wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
