What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
