There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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