yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
