WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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