1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
