I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The best revenge is premature balding
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
