Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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