Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
