she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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