is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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