3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
