He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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