I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She even gives head with a lisp.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
