Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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