My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
