I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
