had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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