found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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