We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize