dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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