can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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