"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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