the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
