i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
