I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
