I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
