I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
