Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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