How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
