ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
