I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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