I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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