I am spending my child support on dildos
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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