he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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